The Suicidal Octopus

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¤ July 21, 2018 ¤

♬ Stardew Valley and the Megane Crybaby

This post pertains to: Vidya Games

I’ve been playing Stardew Valley recently. I stopped playing pretty quickly after it first came out and haven’t picked it up since, but since multiplayer was released a few months ago I’ve been playing with a friend. He’s always busy though so I don’t get to play much; therefore I started a new singleplayer game.

Now, my first save I was going after Penny, the generic good girl who I wanted to save because she lives in a trailer with her alcoholic mother. Except once I got to know the other villagers I immediately fell in love with the cocky jock who’s actually a sweetheart (Alex).

This save I made sure to befriend ALL the villagers to max hearts. The first guy I got to max was Shane, the depressed alcoholic who works a dead-end job. You get to talk him out of suicide in his last cutscene and I was like, ow my heart.

The next guy was Harvey, the local doctor. Now the thing about him is that his original portrait has him with a pedophile mustache which wouldn’t do. I got portrait mods for all the bachelors/bachelorettes so Harvey looks like a cute anime megane boy now and not a pedo (and kinda looks suspiciously like Slade):

He proceeded to gave me garbage (a nautilus shell) after this. And even though the game supposedly randomizes who your gift giver is I think it’s funny that my boyfriend was the one it chose.

I couldn’t decide who to marry so I asked who, between Shane and Harvey. Everyone said Harvey (…) so I went for him, he’s a megane so it’s bonus points. Except he’s a huge crybaby?!!? He’s terrified of heights and in his max heart cutscene you go up in a hot air balloon and he trembles the whole time. Then I guess you make out for like 30 minutes in the balloon? (That’s totally what the game was implying by the way) and during the Halloween event you find him the haunted maze huddled in a corner because he ‘got scared and ran away.’ So he’s totally a crybaby. Even one of the secret notes you find in the game is like “Harvey is really anxious and weak” yeah that about sums him up…

The spring flower dance is a festival where if you have enough hearts with someone you can ask them to dance. the night before the festival he asks “W-will you dance with me at the festival?” BITCH I’M YOUR FUCKING SPOUSE, OF COURSE I’M GONNA DANCE WITH YOU JESUS TAPDANCING CHRIST.

Either way he’s really cute now that he doesn’t look like a pedo and he fills my fetish of being a giant wuss while I push him around and make him cry. Next time I’m gonna try for the blonde skateboarding kid, Sam. I wasn’t interested in him before cause he’s kinda too young but I’m really curious now about his dialogue when married considering he’s like, kinda juvenile.

♥ Posted at 11:38:52 am CDT

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