The Suicidal Octopus

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Now in a TINY ASS SCREEN flavour!

¤ June 12, 2017 ¤

♬ Character Talk: Slade

This post pertains to: ThoughtsVidya Games

So for my comic’s third year anniversary the public poll is heavily skewed towards making a video of the history of the comic. I decided to get a bit of a headstart, even though the poll officially ends at the beginning of July, there’s no way any other option could catch up.

Part of what I plan to talk about is Mirror Blue, my Ragnarok-inspired RPG maker game I started when I was 13. Since it kinda paved the way towards my comic’s infancy I felt it was important to bring up.

I find the story of just that game pretty interesting. I posted that completion of the game three years ago, but every so often I would revisit that game and tweak it again and again, even after it was ‘completed.’

When I had first started it, the main character, Slade was my 14-year-old mind’s vision of what I envisioned an intelligent person to be. In this case, he was this almost belligerent fellow who would use huge smart-sounding words that even I didn’t know what they meant or how to use them, I just put a word into the thesaurus and used it regardless of what its actual contextual usage was. I say belligerent because he would pretty aggressively react to anything racist (racism between elves and humans is a big theme in the game) and actually be kind of a dick to people he helps.

As I grew older and revisited the game, the more and more I realized Slade was a pretty unlikeable character. He’s the protagonist- why is he acting like such an asshole? He’s not supposed to be an antihero or anything. He was a guy that got caught up in his own ego and now has to shoulder a huge responsibility. Furthermore, he acted like a jerk towards his friends, and while I saw that I wanted the characters to grow close with each other through constant hardship, that never actually happened in the original version of the game because they were too busy arguing with each other over petty shit. Slade would get annoyed at something his friends would say and then it would just be pointless banter.

When I ‘cleaned up’ the game for release, I removed and rewrote a lot of the ultra-cringy stuff and shipped it off as complete. However, it wasn’t truly finished in regards to all I did was change cringy stuff into less cringy stuff. There was still the issue of characters not really being characters. That’s the case with Slade. The more I revisited the game, the more I changed Slade into an actual human being rather than some weird pseudo-intellectual weirdo.

Slade has daddy issues and wasn’t really ever close with his father; father wanted him to be a pastor and Slade was like, nope, and literally moved across the entire fucking world. He stole forbidden books on touchy alchemy subjects and studied it on offtime of his job as the doctor of a small town. He created a homunculus – what he refers to as his daughter – with a sociopathic streak that wishes to save the world from a cosmic horror by destroying it. He is then suddenly finding himself carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders, and it gets harder and harder to bear as events pass.

That sounds like a pretty shitty situation, right? Anyone would be pretty pissed off to be in that kind of deal, but I didn’t want old Slade to stay all pissy and arrogant about it. I wanted him to be reluctant at first and then just kinda quietly accept that he must take responsibility for shit he fucked up. And, I think to follow this kind of story, you need someone you can relate to.

Instead of being angry at ‘stupid people’ that he helps with a huff, he’s much more empathetic and kind, and gladly lends a hand to anyone who needs it. He’s no longer a pseudo-intellectual that uses huge words; he talks like a normal person. He’s infinitely more human with compassion for others and love for his friends. He admits when he’s wrong and apologizes when he upsets people. He stands his ground on his beliefs and tries to understand what others are going through. He doesn’t blindly strike back when provoked, and instead has the capability of analyzing the situation and whether it’s worth it to fight or not; old Slade would just bite back with little thought. It’s these things, these changes, that made me feel strongly about the character and his plight. He’s only human, just like the rest of us- how can he possibly shoulder such a burden? Shouldering the fate of the world is tough.

In the end, I’m really glad I at least gave Slade some justice and fixed his character instead of leaving him to rot in the shitty 10-year-old graveyard that he was in. He’s much more likeable now and relatable as a protagonist. Even if that game is just rotting in my site’s graveyard, too. I’m just happy that he got some peace.

♥ Posted at 9:40:41 pm CDT

¤ February 28, 2017 ¤

♬ Character Talk: Verdieux

This post pertains to: Comic

This is a post about one of my characters from my comic, Verdieux.

When I made him he was originally this grimdark (or as I found a term today, “grimderp”) dude who has been fucked (literally) throughout his entire life.

I presented him as this edgy and silent stereotypical assassin. He murdered for fun, trying to find some semblance in his life through killing. Also he raped a lot of his women victims.

That sounds really bad, doesn’t it? We’re supposed to like this dude as a protagonist. It sounds bad. I wrote a few things with him in it but since he isn’t a prominent character until later, he kinda metaphorically fermented in my mind. I didn’t really even give him much thought after that. As I said, he isn’t important for a long time. But recently, I’m not sure what happened, but suddenly I was able to understand the character. I don’t know whether it’s because I watched media with a character that inspired me or what, but V’s character magically made sense to me.

This guy has had a hard life, plain and simple. Circumstances led him to become a prostitute and later an assassin. But instead of the edgy, grimdark personality I originally intended, for whatever reason it clicked that he would actually be kind of smooth. I’m not sure how to describe it. I see his character in my head but I’m unable to articulate it.

He really wants to settle down with someone, so he will literally ask someone at knifepoint for a date. But he isn’t a sinister person. He is actually very friendly and polite, and while I still see him as quiet, he is articulate in his speech and doesn’t beat around the bush.

I don’t really see him feeling anything about his assassin job other than it’s a job. He’s not a weird sociopath who takes sadistic pleasure in killing anybody anymore. He just does it so he can get paid.

He also was supposed to have an obsession with E-chan, but the more I thought about it the less it made sense. I’m actually thinking of pairing him with Jay now which is an interesting combo… a prostitute assassin dating a celibate pacifist veteran combat medic!

Maybe I can make his character even more clear when the time comes for him to actually make a debut, but I’m surprised at how much his character changed from a weird grimderp sadistic killer to just a guy who kills people for money and also really wants to get a date.


♥ Posted at 12:32:27 am CDT

¤ January 16, 2017 ¤

♬ Snails on my face: A Korean skin care post

This post pertains to: Consumerism

It’s been a year since I posted, mostly because I’ve had nothing to write about in a whole year.

I have something now, and it’s about Korean skin care. There apparently has been a big craze over Korean skin care with the rise of famous Kpop stars becoming more prominent in English-speaking countries and whatnot, and think that looking at their porcelain plastic surgery-laden skin fortells that Korean skin products are miracles.

As you might know, I have dealt with acne since I was 11 and it has never gone away, ever. So my skin is horrible and fucked up.

During Black Friday, I went on a binge on Amazon and bought a shitton of stuff and came upon Korean skin care as one of their “new finds” categories. I’m not sure what made me do it, but I figured, hey why not, and bought a few things. I was very confused on what to get because I didn’t look at any kind of list or anything (like here), I literally went off of people’s reviews of products on what to get. So, the general guideline is 10 steps, but I have like…five. Cause I didn’t read the memo.

I’ve been using this stuff for about a month and a half (roughly half a month for my cleanser, which arrived later) and I THINK it’s helping. I mean, I definitely see a huge difference in the reduction of blemishes, redness, etc. on my face before and after I use it in the morning. And, it clears up most of my acne in a couple days. But I’m going to write a list of what I have so far.

Korean 10-step skin care list

  1. Oil-based cleanser: apparently you only need this if you use makeup. I didn’t know there were two types of cleanser for this so I just got one, thankfully it was the right one, water based.
  2. Water-based cleanser: I use Laneige Pore Deep Clearing Foam, it lathers so well and feels soooo nice to put on your skin. It has a very neutral smell and washes off easily. It’s probably my favourite part of all of this.
  3. Exfoliation: nothing korean here, just Burt’s Bees Peach & Willowbark Deep Pore Scrub. I actually have two exfoliators, one is a generic brand and then this brand one. I don’t really like this one as it doesn’t really spread easily and you have to use a shitton just to cover your face. Granted, you are only supposed to do this about two times a week. But it just seems wasteful. I think I will try a Korean one when this runs out.
  4. Toner: Etude House 10-in-1 House Wonder Pore Freshener off a recommendation from a review. I definitely notice my pores being smaller afterwards.
  5. Essence: This part confuses me because I don’t really see any effect or understand what essence does, but it’s apparently a very vital step in the skin care regimen. I use TONYMOLY Intense Care Galactomyces Lite Essence and it’s a watery substance you wipe on your face. if I understand it correctly, it seems to be like primer in terms of make up, in that you put it on your face first so that the rest of the stuff in your regimen is effective.  However, while trying to find a serum for the next step, I stumbled upon BENTON Snail Bee High Content Essence which I bought to eventually replace TONYMOLY’s when it runs out…or maybe sooner. People were raving about it reducing blemishes and whatnot so I figured I’d try, I also will admit I did buy it because it had snail AND bee in the title.
  6. Serums, boosters and ampoules: I did not realize it but when I bought tea tree oil it actually would count as this step. I did it wrong the first few weeks; so you’re supposed to dilute the oil with a carrier oil which I didn’t do. But now I dilute it with almond oil and that counts for this step. However, I recently bought  Skin Food Peach Sake Pore Serum and am waiting it to arrive in February (long ass time to wait but hey, it was free shipping). From what I read it reduces pore sizes and controls sebum which is great for me because my skin is oily as SHIT. we’ll see how it goes.
  7. Sheet Mask: Apparently this step is important too but I find it a waste of money… you can buy a pack of 5 sheet masks for around $15 and probably totals at $20-$22 with shipping, that’s spending $22 every 5 weeks to put it on your face. Most of the previously listed products I bought were around $15-$20 each and they are only about 3/4ths the way done after ~6 weeks. I don’t feel like it is worth it for these sheet masks.
  8. Eye Cream: I don’t like the bags under my eyes but most of the time they are covered by my glasses so I won’t bother with this.
  9. Moisturizer: I currently use MIZON All in One Snail Repair Cream. I’m kinda meh about it. I’m not sure if it’s me getting the almond oil mixed up with the consistency of the moisturizer but sometimes my face will still dry out after applying this cream. Furthermore there doesn’t really seem to be much in there so I feel like I have to use it sparingly.
  10. Sun protection: I didn’t get this initialyl because I don’t go out in the sun like the NEET I am but I realized that I walk my dog and am therefore getting sunlight, so I bought something cheap, MISSHA All-Around Safe Block Soft Finish Sun Milk SPF50. I haven’t received it yet so we will see if it helps.

Hopefully I will see a difference with the new products and my money hasn’t been entirely wasteful.

♥ Posted at 5:10:30 pm CDT

¤ April 18, 2016 ¤

♬ Context in Japanese Phrases

This post pertains to: Moonrunes

Japanese is an extremely contextual language. A lot of the common phrases people know like “konnichiwa” and “arigatou gozaimasu” actually mean completely different things.

I read an example where a person went to the reception and asked to see someone. The receptionist replied with “失礼ですが”. The literal translation is “It is rude, but…” In this situation, it actually means the receptionist is asking for their name. Isn’t that strange? “shitsurei desu ga” and “sumimasen” both basically mean “excuse me,” but the former is used when asking things about the addressee. The latter is used when asking the addressee to do something.

In addition, those words like “konnichiwa” are actually shortened versions of full sentences. 今日は is actually part of a longer sentence which goes something like, “as for today, how are you?” But that’s implied by context, and now it has just turned into a greeting.

I also learned that emoji is actually a Japanese word, 絵文字! I guess it seems obvious when you know that kaomoji (顔文字) is a very obvious japanese word, but I never really thought about it.

♥ Posted at 11:51:38 am CDT

¤ March 4, 2016 ¤

♬ Fuck this shit

This post pertains to: Rants

This bullshit is really pissing me off lately…

I have a form of eczema called dyshidrosis where little itchy blisters from on your hands and feet which become rashes and your skin hard, I guess? Shit’s SO fucking annoying. When I was a teenager it used to be really bad, where my skin would flake off and become raw to the point where I couldn’t touch anything with my fingers without burning pain and had to wear gloves to do anything. It’s gotten better but it;s still shitty so YEAH

Then there’s my fav condition called CDDD (cervical degenerative disk disease) which I got diagnosed with at 20 but have never been able to treat it because LOL ANYTHING INVOLVING MEDICAL SERVICE COSTS TOO MUCH MONEY…. so I’ve learned to live with and make accommodations for it, it fucking sucks changing your life to suit a god damn condition. Like fuck off, it’s my body not yours. Why do I have to change what I do to suit YOU? Get the fuck out of my spine you piece of shit. Anyway this disease causes the disks between my vertebrae to deteriorate, what this translates to is that any pressure on my spine causes me pain because there is little left of the disks to absorb the weight. This means I can’t sit up straight in chairs and small things like wear necklaces or shirts that are too close to my neck. So I spend my time slouching and it’s really embarrassing sometimes because general etiquette says that when you slouch you’re being rude, but like I LITERALLY CAN’T SIT UP OR ELSE I WILL BE IN PAIN. And I can’t really go “oh sorry I have X medical condition” every time I have to explain myself so like… idk it’s annoying sometimes even though I haven’t put any weight on my neck at all (slouching all day) my neck STILL decides to hurt.

Oh and I also have hyperhidrosis which makes you sweaty. ALL THE FUCKING TIME. Shaking hands? I can’t do that. Wearing any kind of closed shoe without socks is a potion to knock anyone out the moment I take my shoes off. Wearing light-coloured shirts that are too close to my armpits? yeah no. shit’s more wet than a fucking swamp in a minute.

fuck this shit. it could be worse but hey I’m not gonna get into a pissing contest about who has the worse conditions.

♥ Posted at 6:54:45 pm CDT