The Suicidal Octopus

The Suicidal Octopus Logo

Now in a TINY ASS SCREEN flavour!

Ye Olde Sunken Treasure: Thoughts Archives

The average brawg post: VERY IMPORTANT OPINIONS.

¤ July 4, 2018 ¤

♬ The Pornblog Saga Continues

This post pertains to: ArtDepressionThoughts


My porn blog now has over 100 followers… i drew a picture thanking them. it isn’t much, 100 followers… compared to insta thots who have millions. but when you think about it, it means that at least a hundred unique people saw and liked my work.

i recently joined a shota community too where i post my stuff. i feel like it’s the one place i actually am wanted? the dark abyss of social media has really taken a toll on my mental health and i feel like just catering directly to my target audience takes out a lot of the stress and angst. i’m so tired of posting my work to social media and getting no feedback while my peers get undying support and love. is it because i have no friends? i’m not going to get into that, that’s a separate post all together. but i’m pretty sure my inability to make meaningful connections with other artists is part of the reason i feel so alone.

anyway the people there are nice and welcome me, and say nice things to me. that’s really all i yearn for, i just want to be loved for the work i do. don’t we all? unfortunately it seems i can only get people to care about what i draw if it’s porn.

well, even though i joined a forum full of weird sexperverts with a sexual attraction to little boys, their friendliness is soothing and it helps give the validation i crave.

i guess this is why i’m making a character who will do anything to be liked, huh?


♥ Posted at 4:26:02 am CST

¤ June 3, 2018 ¤

♬ Sex sells

This post pertains to: Thoughts

Lol I haven’t posted anything to my porn blog in a month because of my fucked up wrist, yet I got 32 followers now, when I left I had like 5 or 10.

Meanwhile my real blogs don’t get nearly that many followers posting daily/every other day for months.

Gotta get those pornbux


♥ Posted at 3:50:11 am CST

¤ May 5, 2018 ¤

♬ So much for abandoning social media…

This post pertains to: DepressionRantsThoughts

I’m still fucking addicted, I have an issue. I need to stop. Stop! I don’t need likes! I just want to share things with people I like. What’s wrong with me?

I miss talking nonsense about stories I’m creating that no one but me understands, why do I have to pretend I’m some kind of different person when I’m on social media? Why do I crave fucking internet lovelove points?

I want to update this blog more with my thoughts and feelings, maybe I will be less depressed when I’m able to express myself instead of continually holding it in and wanting to scream how depressed I am on social media.

I hate how I depend on social media for self-worth, and I hate that it’s consuming me. I hate that it’s needed in today’s world to promote yourself and get seen… I don’t know what to do.


♥ Posted at 6:36:16 pm CST

¤ January 15, 2018 ¤

♬ A comeback

This post pertains to: ArtDepression

It’s been a long three years since I started my comic. As you can see, I abandoned this blog in favour of social media, so I could build an audience for my comic. But I think that was a mistake.

As I kept posting more and more, I became more greedy for the validation of strangers. I craved likes, comments, all that bullshit, as if it were my only sustenance. But I could never really get a foothold anywhere in the art world. I made acquaintances, I liked things I saw on my timeline, they liked some of my things.

However, it all hit me today. I had entered the fanart contest for a game I’m playing. I spent a long time on it and it’s one of like, three pieces of 2017 that I could say I was proud of. I thought I was finally getting somewhere with my art goals.

As you might’ve guessed I didn’t get picked as one of the winners and I was pretty bummed. After some other bad events happened I came to a realization. It wasn’t the fanart contest itself, but I realized the actual problem:

I am not that good. Actually, I am bad.

The reason I can’t gain a foothold anywhere is because I am bad. I am bad as a person and bad at art. My art is not attractive to anyone. I keep telling myself to learn an attractive anime style so people would like my art more and be more receptive to it but no matter what I do it never comes out looking like I want.

I’m just bad.

Therefore, I’m closing off my social media posting to return to this blog once again, to all 2 people who know it exists. I don’t have to worry about comments or likes or shit like that here, I can just share my work and not have to yearn for hearts from strangers. I’m tired of being shackled to fake internet lovelove points. Why can’t I be bad and just not have to feel bad for being bad? All I want to do is just make anime waifus and husbandous.

I’ve caught up to the current year and have uploaded all the stuff I missed, so the rest of 2016/2017 should be filled.

I’ll continue my bad art journey away from prying eyes. I’ll also be posting a summary of the things that’ve happened since I stopped posting here. This site is several years old and it’s got a lot of fucked up design choices on it, maybe I’ll revisit it and build it from a template like a normal person.


♥ Posted at 5:25:54 pm CST

¤ June 12, 2017 ¤

♬ Character Talk: Slade

This post pertains to: ThoughtsVidya Games

So for my comic’s third year anniversary the public poll is heavily skewed towards making a video of the history of the comic. I decided to get a bit of a headstart, even though the poll officially ends at the beginning of July, there’s no way any other option could catch up.

Part of what I plan to talk about is Mirror Blue, my Ragnarok-inspired RPG maker game I started when I was 13. Since it kinda paved the way towards my comic’s infancy I felt it was important to bring up.

I find the story of just that game pretty interesting. I posted that completion of the game three years ago, but every so often I would revisit that game and tweak it again and again, even after it was ‘completed.’

When I had first started it, the main character, Slade was my 14-year-old mind’s vision of what I envisioned an intelligent person to be. In this case, he was this almost belligerent fellow who would use huge smart-sounding words that even I didn’t know what they meant or how to use them, I just put a word into the thesaurus and used it regardless of what its actual contextual usage was. I say belligerent because he would pretty aggressively react to anything racist (racism between elves and humans is a big theme in the game) and actually be kind of a dick to people he helps.

As I grew older and revisited the game, the more and more I realized Slade was a pretty unlikeable character. He’s the protagonist- why is he acting like such an asshole? He’s not supposed to be an antihero or anything. He was a guy that got caught up in his own ego and now has to shoulder a huge responsibility. Furthermore, he acted like a jerk towards his friends, and while I saw that I wanted the characters to grow close with each other through constant hardship, that never actually happened in the original version of the game because they were too busy arguing with each other over petty shit. Slade would get annoyed at something his friends would say and then it would just be pointless banter.

When I ‘cleaned up’ the game for release, I removed and rewrote a lot of the ultra-cringy stuff and shipped it off as complete. However, it wasn’t truly finished in regards to all I did was change cringy stuff into less cringy stuff. There was still the issue of characters not really being characters. That’s the case with Slade. The more I revisited the game, the more I changed Slade into an actual human being rather than some weird pseudo-intellectual weirdo.

Slade has daddy issues and wasn’t really ever close with his father; father wanted him to be a pastor and Slade was like, nope, and literally moved across the entire fucking world. He stole forbidden books on touchy alchemy subjects and studied it on offtime of his job as the doctor of a small town. He created a homunculus – what he refers to as his daughter – with a sociopathic streak that wishes to save the world from a cosmic horror by destroying it. He is then suddenly finding himself carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders, and it gets harder and harder to bear as events pass.

That sounds like a pretty shitty situation, right? Anyone would be pretty pissed off to be in that kind of deal, but I didn’t want old Slade to stay all pissy and arrogant about it. I wanted him to be reluctant at first and then just kinda quietly accept that he must take responsibility for shit he fucked up. And, I think to follow this kind of story, you need someone you can relate to.

Instead of being angry at ‘stupid people’ that he helps with a huff, he’s much more empathetic and kind, and gladly lends a hand to anyone who needs it. He’s no longer a pseudo-intellectual that uses huge words; he talks like a normal person. He’s infinitely more human with compassion for others and love for his friends. He admits when he’s wrong and apologizes when he upsets people. He stands his ground on his beliefs and tries to understand what others are going through. He doesn’t blindly strike back when provoked, and instead has the capability of analyzing the situation and whether it’s worth it to fight or not; old Slade would just bite back with little thought. It’s these things, these changes, that made me feel strongly about the character and his plight. He’s only human, just like the rest of us- how can he possibly shoulder such a burden? Shouldering the fate of the world is tough.

In the end, I’m really glad I at least gave Slade some justice and fixed his character instead of leaving him to rot in the shitty 10-year-old graveyard that he was in. He’s much more likeable now and relatable as a protagonist. Even if that game is just rotting in my site’s graveyard, too. I’m just happy that he got some peace.


♥ Posted at 9:40:41 pm CST