The Suicidal Octopus

The Suicidal Octopus Logo

Now in a TINY ASS SCREEN flavour!

Ye Olde Sunken Treasure: Rants Archives

What would life be like if there was nothing to bitch about?

¤ March 2, 2015 ¤

♬ EA wants YOU to buy their Day 1 DLC!

This post pertains to: RantsVidya Games

sims4echanI tried the Sims 4 and it does indeed suck, to no one’s surprise.

Some actual cool things were that you can choose your character’s walking animation (E-chan’s is SUPA SUPA KAWAII) and also finally make dem big ol thighs but that’s not nearly enough to make up for the fact that it’s garbage. Well, they did make building houses and moving shit around 50000% better but STILL. I didn’t even make super xbox large thighs like I wanted! The maximum amount you can make them is shitty and small!

As usual I have to give E-chan a bob cut because nothing exists remotely close to her hair. Well, it did for one of the hairstyles till I found out it was a ponytail (it had similar bangs). I had to do that in GW2 too except no one who plays GW2 actually uses the hair model I chose because they’re too busy fapping to the same stupid fucking hairstyle that every adult man uses for their kawaii human female character. So I feel kinda special in that regard?

Also, I think EA thinks that every girl who has short hair is automatically a lesbian because all the short hairs are not feminine in the least. They’re very butch or at least can only be pulled off by someone who’s trying to look like they came right out of fucking a portal from the 20s. Did I also mention that 6, SIX “short” hair is just long hair but tied in a bun or something! So apparently according to EA “short hair” consists of long pwetty girl hair that’s tied up, or manly lesbian cuts. Okay.

Oh yeah, and also they super compartmentalized everything, and it’s not open world anymore. You have to have loading screens to go between different neighborhoods, which is about 5-6 houses per neighborhood. Totally bullshit.

And then…

FUCKING THIS GUY. Look at how fucking stupid he is AHHHHH. He has like a fucking baby face oh my god it’s so bad FUUUCK.
manguskun

They also don’t have a colour wheel for hair anymore which pisses me off. Their hair isn’t actually that red, it’s more like a pinkish colour. But NOOOOO I don’t have a colour wheel because EA decided to take a plate, shit all over it and then call it a game while trying to sell it to people. I guess consumers really do like garbage!!

buttsecks

Checking out your sister’s ass is the best you can do to having incestuous relations in this crappy game!! Where’s my NRaas Woohooer when I need it! I want to make incestuous babies missing at least two chromosomes. Fucking Christ.


♥ Posted at 12:40:43 pm CDT

¤ January 13, 2015 ¤

♬ Collection Quests

This post pertains to: RantsVidya Games

So EQ2 has things called collection quests where you find shiny spots on the ground and pick stuff up from them. In theory it’s fun and exciting because I like collecting stuff it’s fun finding things you haven’t found before and seeing what you get. The problem is the way they do it is fucking retarded.

Collection items can go for A LOT on the trading post. And more often than not you will never complete any of them by the time you outlevel the zone you collect specific sets in. So, by the time you actually complete the set, you will have probably been level 70 completing a level 20 set and all you get is a shitty level 20 gear. This unfortunately happens for a ton of different instances, and that is the wrong way to do it. However, there are also many collection sets that instead give you house items or a cool non-equipment item. These are fine because they don’t depend on your level.

The other problem I have with it is that in two continents, Faydwer and Kunark, they have rare collections. In order to complete any collection in ANY of those zones, you would have to find the rare collection item, which goes for a LOT of money. The worst part is the rewards from these fucking collections are completely worthless! It’s level 20 garbage! That’s what you get for completing a collection that’s taken you ten billion years to get the rare item for, and also potentially snagged you out of a lot of money because they are worth a lot on the trading post! There is absolutely no reason to actually finish the collections that only give you some shit tier gear and a little experience!

Instead, it’d be better to just make ALL these collections instead give non-equipment items. Though, in other games, I’m not sure what they’d be other than fun or appearance items, since EQ2’s big thing is getting shit for your house.


♥ Posted at 10:39:50 pm CDT

¤ December 21, 2014 ¤

♬ Mistborn and Romance Rant

This post pertains to: RantsThoughts

I’ve been reading the first book of Mistborn which Oshgoggles got me for my blerfday. So far there’s been a lot of worldbuilding before the introduction of the main plot, and I finally got to the point where they gave the plot, that drew me into it in the first place – a gang of thieves tries to rip off the Dark Lord.

First I like it because it has a unique magic system I’ve never seen before. It’s called Allomancy and it’s based off of ingesting several types of metal like iron, tin, pewter, etc. and using magic properties from it. Because of this, one of the main themes of the book is metal-themed stuff. Secondly the two main characters AREN’T LOVE INTERESTS. I bitched about this maybe a few days ago but I hate when the two main characters of any work are opposite sex, same-age people. Everyone and their mom knows they’re going to get together at the end and I absolutely hate the prospect of romance. I HATE romance. I HATE the anime blushing, coy looks, awkward romantic scenes. It’s fucking stupid. So knowing that the female main character is a 16 year old girl and the male main character is some dude in his 30s who was married is really refreshing. Wait a second… A young girl and an older man who also lost his wife and is mourning her and who I also thought wouldn’t get with the female character who is much younger than him… That sounds kind of familiar doesn’t it?

Humm…

…Oh. Right, that happened. Though Snow White technically didn’t “get with” the huntsman at the end THEY STILL KISSED AND IT WAS WEIRDLY ROMANTIC OR SOMETHING??? Fuck, I hope it doesn’t come to that. Just think of her like a niece or protegee or something ffs.

Can’t there be more stories where the girl doesn’t have any romantic connection to the male character whatsoever? Like, a daughter and father protag team, or a brother and sister, or a mother and son or SOMETHING other than “tee hee the girl is 16 and the guy is 17!!!! because teenage love romance anime always has to have the girl a year younger”

Actually, the first time I played Final Fantasy VII I was utterly, completely shocked that Aeris was older than Cloud, who were 22 and 21 respectively. It turned the “GIRL MUST ALWAYS BE YOUNGER” thing upside the head, even if it was just by 1 simple year.


♥ Posted at 6:52:49 pm CDT

¤ October 23, 2014 ¤

♬ Secret to Smack Jeeves

This post pertains to: Rants

SAB_1 Is this what girls see when they see the word “yaoi?”

I’ll say it once before and I’ll say it again: The secret to being popular on SmackJeeves is to draw man-smut. That’s it.

Yuri comics also seem to be popular, but man-smut takes the cake. WHAT is the fascination with yaoi? I DON’T GET IT. And don’t expect my 15-year-old self to answer because I DIDN’T KNOW EITHER. I guess the lure is guys who step down from the general “manly-as-fuck” stereotype to go get cocks stuffed up their asses and that’s somehow appealing? I don’t know. I said I didn’t hate yaoi comics before but god damn the more evidence I find to this “secret” the more pissed off I get about it. I shouldn’t be so worked up though. Flashing the yaoi fangirls crowd with promises of man-smut and dicks has always been the easiest way to climb the ladder to being internet-popular. Unfortunately, I do not lack the dignity to drop down to that level.

I swear, I’m just going to make a shitty comic about yaoi to catch their attention then redirect it elsewhere. Better start learning how to draw dicks now.


♥ Posted at 3:24:02 pm CDT