This post pertains to: Art ♦ Depression
It’s been a long three years since I started my comic. As you can see, I abandoned this blog in favour of social media, so I could build an audience for my comic. But I think that was a mistake.
As I kept posting more and more, I became more greedy for the validation of strangers. I craved likes, comments, all that bullshit, as if it were my only sustenance. But I could never really get a foothold anywhere in the art world. I made acquaintances, I liked things I saw on my timeline, they liked some of my things.
However, it all hit me today. I had entered the fanart contest for a game I’m playing. I spent a long time on it and it’s one of like, three pieces of 2017 that I could say I was proud of. I thought I was finally getting somewhere with my art goals.
As you might’ve guessed I didn’t get picked as one of the winners and I was pretty bummed. After some other bad events happened I came to a realization. It wasn’t the fanart contest itself, but I realized the actual problem:
I am not that good. Actually, I am bad.
The reason I can’t gain a foothold anywhere is because I am bad. I am bad as a person and bad at art. My art is not attractive to anyone. I keep telling myself to learn an attractive anime style so people would like my art more and be more receptive to it but no matter what I do it never comes out looking like I want.
I’m just bad.
Therefore, I’m closing off my social media posting to return to this blog once again, to all 2 people who know it exists. I don’t have to worry about comments or likes or shit like that here, I can just share my work and not have to yearn for hearts from strangers. I’m tired of being shackled to fake internet lovelove points. Why can’t I be bad and just not have to feel bad for being bad? All I want to do is just make anime waifus and husbandous.
I’ve caught up to the current year and have uploaded all the stuff I missed, so the rest of 2016/2017 should be filled.
I’ll continue my bad art journey away from prying eyes. I’ll also be posting a summary of the things that’ve happened since I stopped posting here. This site is several years old and it’s got a lot of fucked up design choices on it, maybe I’ll revisit it and build it from a template like a normal person.
♥ Posted at 5:25:54 pm CDT