The Suicidal Octopus

The Suicidal Octopus Logo

Now in a TINY ASS SCREEN flavour!

¤ July 4, 2018 ¤

♬ The Pornblog Saga Continues

This post pertains to: ArtDepressionThoughts

My porn blog now has over 100 followers… i drew a picture thanking them. it isn’t much, 100 followers… compared to insta thots who have millions. but when you think about it, it means that at least a hundred unique people saw and liked my work.

i recently joined a shota community too where i post my stuff. i feel like it’s the one place i actually am wanted? the dark abyss of social media has really taken a toll on my mental health and i feel like just catering directly to my target audience takes out a lot of the stress and angst. i’m so tired of posting my work to social media and getting no feedback while my peers get undying support and love. is it because i have no friends? i’m not going to get into that, that’s a separate post all together. but i’m pretty sure my inability to make meaningful connections with other artists is part of the reason i feel so alone.

anyway the people there are nice and welcome me, and say nice things to me. that’s really all i yearn for, i just want to be loved for the work i do. don’t we all? unfortunately it seems i can only get people to care about what i draw if it’s porn.

well, even though i joined a forum full of weird sexperverts with a sexual attraction to little boys, their friendliness is soothing and it helps give the validation i crave.

i guess this is why i’m making a character who will do anything to be liked, huh?

♥ Posted at 4:26:02 am CDT

¤ June 3, 2018 ¤

♬ Sex sells

This post pertains to: Thoughts

Lol I haven’t posted anything to my porn blog in a month because of my fucked up wrist, yet I got 32 followers now, when I left I had like 5 or 10.

Meanwhile my real blogs don’t get nearly that many followers posting daily/every other day for months.

Gotta get those pornbux

♥ Posted at 3:50:11 am CDT

¤ May 30, 2018 ¤

♬ Jury duty

This post pertains to: Miscellaneous

I had jury duty yesterday which wasn’t fun but it was an interesting experience. I had to be there at 8:30, I went to the Daley center in Chicago. They ushered us into a large room and gave us panel numbers, then we went to the corresponding rooms of said panel numbers, which was 36 people per room.
A lot of time was spent waiting… the judge seemed nice though. We got interrogated about stuff and I said some foolish things. Then we had a lunch break at 12, I tried sitting next to this lady but she said I couldn’t because she was “discussing baking information” like I gave a fuck.
I sat next to someone else who eventually left and another lady came over. She started small talking me and I got extremely nervous/anxious. I told her I was in jury duty and she offered to buy me a coffee which was really nice of her but I declined. After I told her I was an illustrator she said she needed a book illustrated and we exchanged cards. She did end up buying me lunch at McDonalds which I’m really grateful for, I ate it very quickly.
I tried returning to the courtroom but I got very, very lost and ended up being 5 mins late. When I tried opening the door, it was locked, so I felt very embarrassed and just sat outside the room. When another man who was out in the hallway on his phone opened the door, I realized that I had opened the door on the right -which was locked – the left one, which the man opened, wasn’t locked.
I was extremely embarrassed…
After the interrogations were over, the judge called two people back to be interrogated further – me and another person. Since the case was a car accident case, I discussed how the car accident I had last year made me biased. So I didn’t get picked.
I went home with $17, yay. Then I had a nap and I ate at Red Lobster.

I wrote a very simplified Japanese version of this post:
首になりましたので! やった!!!

♥ Posted at 4:41:05 pm CDT

¤ May 10, 2018 ¤

♬ Lewds

This post pertains to: ArtUpdates

So yeah, I draw porn now, I want to say it started in mid-april, I was bored of stuff i was drawing so I somehow gravitated to porn even though ive been too embarrassed to draw porn my entire life.

Well, since I started posting it on my pixiv I get at least a few followers a day, haha. its pretty fun, but… I probably have to keep it a secret because it’s shota porn, and so that’s legal grey area and all that regarding CP.

but i’m not hurting anyone and im having a blast so im gonna keep doing it.

♥ Posted at 1:18:43 am CDT

¤ May 5, 2018 ¤

♬ So much for abandoning social media…

This post pertains to: DepressionRantsThoughts

I’m still fucking addicted, I have an issue. I need to stop. Stop! I don’t need likes! I just want to share things with people I like. What’s wrong with me?

I miss talking nonsense about stories I’m creating that no one but me understands, why do I have to pretend I’m some kind of different person when I’m on social media? Why do I crave fucking internet lovelove points?

I want to update this blog more with my thoughts and feelings, maybe I will be less depressed when I’m able to express myself instead of continually holding it in and wanting to scream how depressed I am on social media.

I hate how I depend on social media for self-worth, and I hate that it’s consuming me. I hate that it’s needed in today’s world to promote yourself and get seen… I don’t know what to do.

♥ Posted at 6:36:16 pm CDT