The Suicidal Octopus

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Now in a TINY ASS SCREEN flavour!

¤ May 10, 2018 ¤

♬ Lewds

This post pertains to: ArtUpdates

So yeah, I draw porn now, I want to say it started in mid-april, I was bored of stuff i was drawing so I somehow gravitated to porn even though ive been too embarrassed to draw porn my entire life.

Well, since I started posting it on my pixiv I get at least a few followers a day, haha. its pretty fun, but… I probably have to keep it a secret because it’s shota porn, and so that’s legal grey area and all that regarding CP.

but i’m not hurting anyone and im having a blast so im gonna keep doing it.


♥ Posted at 1:18:43 am CDT

¤ May 5, 2018 ¤

♬ So much for abandoning social media…

This post pertains to: DepressionRantsThoughts

I’m still fucking addicted, I have an issue. I need to stop. Stop! I don’t need likes! I just want to share things with people I like. What’s wrong with me?

I miss talking nonsense about stories I’m creating that no one but me understands, why do I have to pretend I’m some kind of different person when I’m on social media? Why do I crave fucking internet lovelove points?

I want to update this blog more with my thoughts and feelings, maybe I will be less depressed when I’m able to express myself instead of continually holding it in and wanting to scream how depressed I am on social media.

I hate how I depend on social media for self-worth, and I hate that it’s consuming me. I hate that it’s needed in today’s world to promote yourself and get seen… I don’t know what to do.


♥ Posted at 6:36:16 pm CDT

¤ January 27, 2018 ¤

♬ Snails on my face: A Not-So-Korean skin care post – Part 2

This post pertains to: Consumerism

So it’s been a little over a year that I’ve been into skin care (aka Asian Beauty subreddit) and I’ve learned several things, I’ve been through a lot of products and I’ve at least found things I can call “HG” (holy grail) that I will repurchase over and over. I’m still trying to formulate a good routine sadly but these products are tried and true.

  • Cosrx Advanced Snail Mucin 96 Power Essence (100 ml) – This shit is the bomb. It heals my acne so well and it’s really easy to spread, it’s not sticky or anything. I mix one pump with 2 drops of Stratia Rewind.
  • Stratia Rewind (30 ml)– It’s very, very subtle effect. However, when I stopped using it thinking it wasn’t working, I noticed that the lines in my face became more prominent. But I really like the effect it gives and it’s moisturizing too.
  • ZYMOGEN Houttuynia Cordata Ferment Serum (105ml) – This serum really helps keep my acne at bay. I stopped using it once and I broke out. Then another time I dropped and broke the bottle, my skin was horrible after that until I replaced it. It’s a ferment though so people susceptible to fungal acne can’t use it.
  • SCINIC Honey All in One Ampoule (250ml): This is AWESOME! It totally brightened some PIH that was bugging me for the past several months, in no time. And I only have to use a little. Everyone says it lasts forever, I can believe it.
  • Stratia Liquid Gold (60ml) – I will never not buy it. It’s perfect. Lightens up PIH and moisturizes so well.
  • Shiseido Senka Aging Care UV Sunscreen SPF50+ PA++++ – Not greasy, doesn’t smell, easy to apply. It’s just simply good.

Other things I’m trying atm that I either don’t like/am unsure of:

  • Stratia Fortify: Honestly I only bought this cuz there was a Black Friday sale and I like Stratia products so I thought I’d try it. I don’t really know if it does anything for me. Its main purposes is to moisturize, anti-inflammatory and reverse UV damage. I currently mix 2 drops of it with my Zymogen serum + tea trea oil. It’s also the worst smelling stuff I’ve ever had in my life, you get used to it after a while though. Will Not Repurchase
  • Kikumasamune High Moist Lotion: I fucking HATE this shit. I bought it because my bottle of Hada Labo Gokujyun was running out and I decided to try the other toner that people rave about. However this was a mistake as I really really hate this. It’s extremely watery and after you apply it it’s sticky. I can’t stand it! It has a pump and it can get messy and spray product too. Will Not Repurchase
  • SCINIC Honey All in One Ampoule 250ml: I bought this for Christmas but I haven’t been able to use it yet since I’m trying other products out. I like honey products so hopefully it helps. It is good for moisturizing + whitening. HG now!
  • Cosrx BHA / Cosrx AHA: I ran out of my previous BHA and AHA (Paula’s choice) so I figured I would try Cosrx. I have been trying to purge a shitton of closed comedones that Holy Snails Shark Sauce left me with. So far, I have indeed been purging them slowly; at least it’s working in that regard, but I still have a lot left over.
  • Cosrx Overnight Honey Mask / Cosrx Wash Off Rice Mask: Sleeping masks don’t seem to do anything for me so I won’t get any more. Will Not Repurchase
  • Laneige Lip Sleeping Mask: It’s overpriced chapstick. Will Not Repurchase
  • MIZON All in One Snail Cream: Yeah so this is a product I purchased the first time I did AB and was using it wrong. I don’t know why I want to try it again after being unsure if it did anything for me, I guess I want to just give it a second try since I fucked up the first time. So far unsure if anything’s different. I haven’t particularly noticed anything. It is rather cheap, but I’ve only used it for a month and I used up half of it already. I think I get better usage from Cosrx Snail 96 Essence. Will Not Repurchase

So, in short, my current routine is:

AM

  • Wash face with water
  • MIZON All in One Snail Cream
  • Kikumasamune High Moist Lotion
  • Cosrx 96 Snail Essence + Stratia Rewind
  • Zymogen Houttuynia Cordata Ferment Serum + Tea Tree Oil + SCINIC Honey Ampoule
  • Stratia Liquid Gold + Cerave Moisturizer
  • Shiseido sunscreen

PM

  • The Face Shop Rice Water Bright Cleansing Oil
  • Cerave Foaming Cleanser
  • KLAIRS Supple Toner
  • Cosrx BHA & AHA (20 min wait in between)
  • MIZON All in One Snail Cream
  • Kikumasamune High Moist Lotion
  • Cosrx 96 Snail Essence + Stratia Rewind
  • Zymogen Houttuynia Cordata Ferment Serum + Stratia Fortify + Tea Tree Oil + SCINIC Honey Ampoule
  • Stratia Liquid Gold + Cerave Moisturizer

It seems like a lot of products I know! But it works for me right now.


♥ Posted at 12:31:47 pm CDT

¤ January 20, 2018 ¤

♬ A summary of the past 2 years

This post pertains to: Updates

So seeing as i haven’t really posted anythign substantial in like 2 yrs I figured I’d make a list of things I’ve been up to then.

  • I bought a lifetime subscription to WaniKani so I don’t have to worry about subscription running out. Now I can study my moon runes in peace. やった! However, I have not studied in a while (since mid last year) and I basically forgot everything so I had to reset myself back to 1.
  • I have my own business now, which doesn’t really mean anything, but I didn’t wanna get punched in the dick by the IRS since I want to regularly attend anime cons. And they say that a hobby stops being a hobby if you do it frequently enough for money, so I was like, well I might as well just fuckin go the business route then.
  • Around the end of 2016 I started getting into 3d modeling again. I’ve always been kinda fascinated by it but when I was in college we were forced to do some stupid 3d bullshit for a class and i HATED it. When I saw a game that was coming out that had super cutesy chibi graphics it kinda blew a fuse in my head, like WTF, this is the aesthetic I’ve been longing for for so, so long. Why am I not doing this? This is the shit I wanted to make. I did a little bit but because I never really learned Blender in its entirety I got frustrated, all I did was look up tutorials on YT which weren’t particularly comprehensive. So I stopped for a while.
  • I got back into modeling once I discovered a site called Udemy that lets you buy classes. I bought like $70 worth of Blender tutorials which really helped me A LOT and now I feel a lot more comfortable in Blender. I will make a separate post about my 3D models later.
  • I am currently in the process of revamping my convention booth to look more pretty and professional looking!
  • Now at the start of 2018, I’m REALLY obsessed with a particular artist’s use of digital watercolours and am trying really hard to both emulate it and make it my own style. It’s hard but I like the results, I think… I’m still experimenting. The funny thing is I used to make all my art in Photoshop but switched to Manga Studio once I realized how much better it is (magic wand tool anyone?). However, for the digital watercolours I now have to paint in Photoshop because that’s where the brushes are… oh well.
  • I attempted to get into traditional sketching/inking in 2017. That didn’t go very well.
  • I wanted to get more serious about making more comics in 2017 as well, guess how that went?
  • I guess my MMO for the past few years has been Tree of Saviour which I seem to keep quitting and coming back to from time to time. I hate IMC but it’s fun to play with my friends.
  • I bought a 2D game engine called Construct 2 which has been instrumental for a lot of stuff! I was able to make a really small farming prototype thing that I haven’t worked on in a while, but it’s really simple to use and I like it a lot. I also use it for my comic’s map which… I never actually released yet…. maybe someday.
  • I almost for the most important part, I officially became a freelancer in 2017 for a company that makes magnets (mostly for education; childrens’ toys). It was probably one of the best work-related decisions ever.

Phew, that’s a lot! But that’s all what’s happened recently!!


♥ Posted at 9:45:33 pm CDT

¤ January 15, 2018 ¤

♬ A comeback

This post pertains to: ArtDepression

It’s been a long three years since I started my comic. As you can see, I abandoned this blog in favour of social media, so I could build an audience for my comic. But I think that was a mistake.

As I kept posting more and more, I became more greedy for the validation of strangers. I craved likes, comments, all that bullshit, as if it were my only sustenance. But I could never really get a foothold anywhere in the art world. I made acquaintances, I liked things I saw on my timeline, they liked some of my things.

However, it all hit me today. I had entered the fanart contest for a game I’m playing. I spent a long time on it and it’s one of like, three pieces of 2017 that I could say I was proud of. I thought I was finally getting somewhere with my art goals.

As you might’ve guessed I didn’t get picked as one of the winners and I was pretty bummed. After some other bad events happened I came to a realization. It wasn’t the fanart contest itself, but I realized the actual problem:

I am not that good. Actually, I am bad.

The reason I can’t gain a foothold anywhere is because I am bad. I am bad as a person and bad at art. My art is not attractive to anyone. I keep telling myself to learn an attractive anime style so people would like my art more and be more receptive to it but no matter what I do it never comes out looking like I want.

I’m just bad.

Therefore, I’m closing off my social media posting to return to this blog once again, to all 2 people who know it exists. I don’t have to worry about comments or likes or shit like that here, I can just share my work and not have to yearn for hearts from strangers. I’m tired of being shackled to fake internet lovelove points. Why can’t I be bad and just not have to feel bad for being bad? All I want to do is just make anime waifus and husbandous.

I’ve caught up to the current year and have uploaded all the stuff I missed, so the rest of 2016/2017 should be filled.

I’ll continue my bad art journey away from prying eyes. I’ll also be posting a summary of the things that’ve happened since I stopped posting here. This site is several years old and it’s got a lot of fucked up design choices on it, maybe I’ll revisit it and build it from a template like a normal person.


♥ Posted at 5:25:54 pm CDT