The Suicidal Octopus

The Suicidal Octopus Logo

Now in a TINY ASS SCREEN flavour!

¤ April 6, 2019 ¤

♬ Drying Up

This post pertains to: ArtDepression

It feels like no matter what I accomplish I’ll never be happy with where I’m at.

Recently it felt like I was starting to get good at chibis and found my own style but then I look at other chibis that are better and cuter than mine and then I get like…cold feet on myself? Like I want to abandon everything I thought was okay because I wanted to chase a popular person’s style. And, the feeling is exacerbated because I haven’t been able to get my foot in the ground for anything, I’m always standing in mud, sinking down and looking up at everyone else above me.

I will chase, forever, unsatisfied.

♥ Posted at 12:54:52 am CDT

¤ July 21, 2018 ¤

♬ Stardew Valley and the Megane Crybaby

This post pertains to: Vidya Games

I’ve been playing Stardew Valley recently. I stopped playing pretty quickly after it first came out and haven’t picked it up since, but since multiplayer was released a few months ago I’ve been playing with a friend. He’s always busy though so I don’t get to play much; therefore I started a new singleplayer game.

Now, my first save I was going after Penny, the generic good girl who I wanted to save because she lives in a trailer with her alcoholic mother. Except once I got to know the other villagers I immediately fell in love with the cocky jock who’s actually a sweetheart (Alex).

This save I made sure to befriend ALL the villagers to max hearts. The first guy I got to max was Shane, the depressed alcoholic who works a dead-end job. You get to talk him out of suicide in his last cutscene and I was like, ow my heart.

The next guy was Harvey, the local doctor. Now the thing about him is that his original portrait has him with a pedophile mustache which wouldn’t do. I got portrait mods for all the bachelors/bachelorettes so Harvey looks like a cute anime megane boy now and not a pedo (and kinda looks suspiciously like Slade):

He proceeded to gave me garbage (a nautilus shell) after this. And even though the game supposedly randomizes who your gift giver is I think it’s funny that my boyfriend was the one it chose.

I couldn’t decide who to marry so I asked who, between Shane and Harvey. Everyone said Harvey (…) so I went for him, he’s a megane so it’s bonus points. Except he’s a huge crybaby?!!? He’s terrified of heights and in his max heart cutscene you go up in a hot air balloon and he trembles the whole time. Then I guess you make out for like 30 minutes in the balloon? (That’s totally what the game was implying by the way) and during the Halloween event you find him the haunted maze huddled in a corner because he ‘got scared and ran away.’ So he’s totally a crybaby. Even one of the secret notes you find in the game is like “Harvey is really anxious and weak” yeah that about sums him up…

The spring flower dance is a festival where if you have enough hearts with someone you can ask them to dance. the night before the festival he asks “W-will you dance with me at the festival?” BITCH I’M YOUR FUCKING SPOUSE, OF COURSE I’M GONNA DANCE WITH YOU JESUS TAPDANCING CHRIST.

Either way he’s really cute now that he doesn’t look like a pedo and he fills my fetish of being a giant wuss while I push him around and make him cry. Next time I’m gonna try for the blonde skateboarding kid, Sam. I wasn’t interested in him before cause he’s kinda too young but I’m really curious now about his dialogue when married considering he’s like, kinda juvenile.

♥ Posted at 11:38:52 am CDT

¤ July 4, 2018 ¤

♬ The Pornblog Saga Continues

This post pertains to: ArtDepressionThoughts

My porn blog now has over 100 followers… i drew a picture thanking them. it isn’t much, 100 followers… compared to insta thots who have millions. but when you think about it, it means that at least a hundred unique people saw and liked my work.

i recently joined a shota community too where i post my stuff. i feel like it’s the one place i actually am wanted? the dark abyss of social media has really taken a toll on my mental health and i feel like just catering directly to my target audience takes out a lot of the stress and angst. i’m so tired of posting my work to social media and getting no feedback while my peers get undying support and love. is it because i have no friends? i’m not going to get into that, that’s a separate post all together. but i’m pretty sure my inability to make meaningful connections with other artists is part of the reason i feel so alone.

anyway the people there are nice and welcome me, and say nice things to me. that’s really all i yearn for, i just want to be loved for the work i do. don’t we all? unfortunately it seems i can only get people to care about what i draw if it’s porn.

well, even though i joined a forum full of weird sexperverts with a sexual attraction to little boys, their friendliness is soothing and it helps give the validation i crave.

i guess this is why i’m making a character who will do anything to be liked, huh?

♥ Posted at 4:26:02 am CDT

¤ June 3, 2018 ¤

♬ Sex sells

This post pertains to: Thoughts

Lol I haven’t posted anything to my porn blog in a month because of my fucked up wrist, yet I got 32 followers now, when I left I had like 5 or 10.

Meanwhile my real blogs don’t get nearly that many followers posting daily/every other day for months.

Gotta get those pornbux

♥ Posted at 3:50:11 am CDT

¤ May 30, 2018 ¤

♬ Jury duty

This post pertains to: Miscellaneous

I had jury duty yesterday which wasn’t fun but it was an interesting experience. I had to be there at 8:30, I went to the Daley center in Chicago. They ushered us into a large room and gave us panel numbers, then we went to the corresponding rooms of said panel numbers, which was 36 people per room.
A lot of time was spent waiting… the judge seemed nice though. We got interrogated about stuff and I said some foolish things. Then we had a lunch break at 12, I tried sitting next to this lady but she said I couldn’t because she was “discussing baking information” like I gave a fuck.
I sat next to someone else who eventually left and another lady came over. She started small talking me and I got extremely nervous/anxious. I told her I was in jury duty and she offered to buy me a coffee which was really nice of her but I declined. After I told her I was an illustrator she said she needed a book illustrated and we exchanged cards. She did end up buying me lunch at McDonalds which I’m really grateful for, I ate it very quickly.
I tried returning to the courtroom but I got very, very lost and ended up being 5 mins late. When I tried opening the door, it was locked, so I felt very embarrassed and just sat outside the room. When another man who was out in the hallway on his phone opened the door, I realized that I had opened the door on the right -which was locked – the left one, which the man opened, wasn’t locked.
I was extremely embarrassed…
After the interrogations were over, the judge called two people back to be interrogated further – me and another person. Since the case was a car accident case, I discussed how the car accident I had last year made me biased. So I didn’t get picked.
I went home with $17, yay. Then I had a nap and I ate at Red Lobster.

I wrote a very simplified Japanese version of this post:
首になりましたので! やった!!!

♥ Posted at 4:41:05 pm CDT